“I've loathed the madding crowd since I was a boy，
While hills and mountains have filled me with joy.
By mistake I sought mundane careers，
And got entrapped in them for thirty years.
Birds in the cage would long for wooded hills;
Fish in the pond would yearn for flowing rills.
When I escape from bitter strife in the community,
I live a heartfelt life again in natural scenery.”
- Back to Country Life (I)
After graduating from university I worked for a few years. Whenever I talked to others about my dream, I was afraid of being laughed at, not to mention my dream of going back to college. Is this too unrealistic to realize?
Frankly speaking, I used to think “If one starts to work, he can never go back to school to study.” There are really a lot of regrets in my heart. Once a person begins to work, life is different from when he was on campus. There are an incredible number of struggles for him to overcome. On campus he possesses abundant free time to achieve the learning goals. But now even when he sits down to study, it’s so hard to find the previous peace in heart .Being in the society, I worry more about how to take on my burdens and responsibilities and how to support my family. So I have to get up early and sleep late and fight for fame and fortune. Without realizing it, life has erased what I brought with me from the campus--the spirit, the innocence and the courage of "asking on this bondless land who rules over man's destiny " ... I would like to ask, “Do you still remember your original wills and the flame from the bottom of your hearts which have been sealed for a long time?”
It was a heavy snowy morning. I had to pick up my luggage and left my parents with tears in my eyes, heading for my new battlefield of higher education. Reluctant to leave and confused of the journey ahead, I could do nothing but to force a smile. On the train, people went back and forth. Lost in thought, I didn’t even hear the whistle sound at all. The train departed after all. I saw my parents’ thin figures slowly disappear. Gradually, the snowflakes outside the window blurred.
I really couldn’t expect how long I would be deviated from my dream, perhaps forever and ever. In fact, deep down I was crazy about English. The major I intended to study in college was English, which I was good at. It’s just that God might be testing me. When I tried my best to prepare for the college entrance examination, suddenly I got seriously ill and was forced to leave school for almost half a semester. This period was like a year to me. Later, when I managed to barely attend the class, everyone had already finished the “Oral English Test”. (You must take the oral test if you want to register for English major.) For various reasons, I had no choice but to choose a major that I did badly in---computer in the end.
Considering the economic situation of my family, I couldn't retake GaoKao for another year. The pressure of life and some factors of my family made me, the young ignorant boy, firmly choose to leave the scarred home as soon as possible. I studied harder than others, but I was not able to comprehend the 0-1 codes which were full of logic. My weakness in mathematical and logical thinking completely closed the door of computer learning and I realized that computer was not for me! Being unable to learn my dream English and to understand computer which I had to learn, I didn’t know where I could go.
After graduation I had to get out into the real world at once, because I had to make money right away and pay back the loans I owed for schooling. I forced myself to let go of it. ”All have passed; forget about it--the dream, the craziness. Let it go with the wind. Can you linger over a dream day by day? ”I asked myself. But whenever I was free from work, deep in my heart I still felt so lost and depressed. It seemed as if I didn't know where to go. This kind of feeling was deep in my heart for ten years... During these ten years, I tried hard to keep myself busy lest my brain again think about “the nonsense”. However, I could control it in the day but not at night. Time and time again I had the same dream: I chose English major in the college entrance examination and worked later as an interpreter in NBA. But I almost gave up English. I didn’t use English at work. I just insisted on having a glance at some U.S. dramas when I was not busy.
Last year, I went to Beijing by chance. After I finished my work, I still had more than half a day to leave. “Where should I go? Peking University? Or Tsinghua University? No. BeiWai!” I said to myself. That's the only place which could make me delighted. I could leave myself with some precious memories, which once in a while could cheer me up. So I stepped into Beijing Foreign Studies University and I gathered all my nerves to speak English to everyone I met on campus, both foreigners and Chinese. As I was leaving, a billboard on the side of the overpass suddenly came into my eyes. It says "Welcome to BeiWai Online to learn English". Oh, My! There are online universities in the world! I held mixed feelings at that moment, most of which was excitement. So I made up my mind not to hesitate anymore and overcame all difficulties to make my dream come true.
Now I understand that time flies and I can't keep on waiting. I ask myself, “If an accident happened to you the next day and you were to die, what wouldn’t you want to leave?”I’d like to say it without hesitation ”English.” In fact, when people find it hard to make decisions, they often have various excuses. When they have the last chance to fight for their lives out of desperation can they make up their mind and succeed. I repeat it to myself, ”Begin to treat every day as the last day in your life and therefore you will cherish the present; Do not always be too ambitious and hesitant; Make sure to settle down to what you are eager for; Live in the moment and value what you own.”
I have a dream that after graduation I will be qualified enough to continue my further study in BFSU. No matter how poor my English is at present and how hard it’s for me to achieve my goal ,I firmly believe that as long as I don't give up, I will achieve success some day!
Today, I appreciate so much that BeiWaiOnline doesn’t abandon me. With your encouragement, I choose to face up to the pain in my heart and return to the harbor of my soul. English, we have been separated for such a long time. BFSU, here I come!
内蒙古师范大学学习中心 英语专业
李振江
