Middle age is an awkward season, especially when you still have some dreams.

Regardless of your willingness, you are not young. You are the pillar of your family now, and considered the backbone of the society. You have to work harder to support your family and the society, and you have nowhere to escape in this constantly changing world.

Yet no matter how hard you have been working, most of us are just normal, according to the theory of bell curve. A small house, a not-too-bad job and a warm family, a life already much better than most of our parents’ generation. Even so, you cannot stop. You are getting busier and busier, and sometimes pressure from both work and life make you feel hard to breathe.

Is that all, till you get retired? No! There is definitely something lost in this seemingly quiet while busy life. Boredom, anxiety, anger and desire, something begins to tick from inside, something begins to burn from inside, and something begins to make me just want to cry. Where are all those dreams now, to be a scientist, to be a writer, or to be a teacher when I was young? They have never disappeared; they have just been hiding for so long. “Feel I’m getting old before my time. As my soul heals the sham, I will grow through this pain. I’m doing all I can, to be a better man.” Moved by Robbie Williams’ Better Man, I enrolled myself in an English degree program when I turned 40.

English opens another window to the world. The History of Western Philosophy, the Animal Farm, the Godfather, and Desperate Housewives, etc., those English books, films and TV series are just fascinating. I am doing what I love at this age.

Why go back to school when Bill Gates and Steve Jobs left university before graduation? Again, I am no genius; I am just in the middle of the bell curve. I am not competing with others at middle age; I am competing with myself. Learning makes me reloaded. I am doing what I want at this age.

Even much busier now? Maybe, but not exactly. It might not be that difficult to balance work, life and study if you know clearly what you love and what you want. You won’t feel bored when you are doing something you truly love, and you won’t feel tired when you are doing something you really want. You won’t waste any time to idle around, so you can better manage your time now. At middle age, you mature more and you focus more. You might have less time to play video games, but you will get other rewards. I won the first prize for the English writing competition and was awarded Excellent Student during my first year in this English degree program. I have become a role model for my son and my family. Imagine when I finally get the diploma?

Stay hungry, stay foolish. People live much longer now. Middle age is not awkward at all if you treat it as the new youth.

北外本部学习中心  英语专业
曾治宇